Living with Parkinson’s and reclaiming my identity, one symptom at a time.

I refuse to let her take over.

To be the one people meet.

To be the one who is remembered.

One of the lesser-talked-about symptoms of Parkinson’s disease is mood swings—or as I call it, my PD alternative personality.

I’ve always been a free spirit. As a mom, I never believed in strict routines or harsh rules. Yelling had never been in my nature.

So why was I suddenly yelling every night?
Why did I feel desperate for silence—for space— to unwind and be alone?

As this shift in me took over, my son would sing little made-up songs to me.
Lyrics like: “No cranky business, it’s time for fun…”

At first, those songs only added to the noise in my head. I was already overwhelmed and exhausted. They made the yelling worse.

But then, one night… I really listened.

And it hit me.

I paused. Everything froze. And I thought:

“This is not me.”

Over time, I came to understand that this “alternative PD personality” was a very real part of my symptoms. Just like the tremor, she showed up more when I was tired, stressed, overworked, or emotionally maxed out.

But here’s the thing: I won’t let Parkinson’s rob me of me.

So, I started making changes.
I began to honor my need for rest and sleep.
I made peace with not having it all together 100% of the time.
I learned to slow down—especially when I felt myself unraveling.

There’s a long list of things I’ve adjusted… But one thing made the biggest difference:

I gave her a name.

Carmelita.

She is something I live with—but she isn’t me.
We couldn’t be more different.

Parkinson’s is a part of me, but it doesn’t define me. I didn’t choose it, and I have no control over it. Carmelita—like my tremor and other symptoms—is part of my daily life now. But drawing a clear line between myself and her has helped me stay true to my essence.

And it’s helped those around me understand: She’s just a symptom. I’m still the same loving, joyful, free spirit they know and love.